Sooooooooo, you may have noticed that I haven’t mentioned the word “garden” in a couple of posts. That’s because there still isn’t one. Well, I guess that’s not exactly true…there are now four orange stakes out in the backyard stuck in various places. See, this past weekend was all about the chickens. They’re greedy like that. Today was Monday and since I work full-time, I wasn’t around all day to harangue, nag and annoy my husband until he rototilled the darn thing up.
I guess I didn’t do any gardening this weekend now that I think about it. I grew that wheat fodder for the chicks…sort of gardenish. I looked at garden plants when we went to Rural King…I think that counts. I watered the plants, that I still haven’t thinned) in their dissolvable pots and plastic trays. So that’s not a total loss. Tom did stick the orange posts in the ground on Saturday to mark something out…the garden…some weird triangulation equation…where he needs to go with the pooper scooper…I’m sure it meant one of those things.
Actually, I had gotten home Friday afternoon and Tom asked me to come out to see where he’d laid out the garden. I was impressed. I hadn’t had to do any haranguing that day.
We walked out to the part of the yard that slopes away from the pool towards the woods and pond.
As we came around the end of the pool, I looked down the slope and there were approximately 116 orange fence poles (the ones that don’t match the chicken fence…read the whole blog…you’ll see) stuck in the ground all over the slope.
“What do ya think?”
“Ummm…Tom…we’re not going to have any YARD left.”
“You said you wanted it big.”
“Yeah…but…I think we’ll need migrant workers at this point.”
I tried to figure out exactly what SHAPE all these poles lined out. It was either a star or the state of Maryland…and I’d say closer to the state of Maryland. It seemed as though there were a dizzying number of bright orange fence posts stuck in the ground. What kind of math did this guy use?
Frankly, I’d expected a completely different thing when he said he was going to “lay out the garden”. I envisioned some white string and some stakes…this looked like the ground had sprouted quills. As we walked around in the posts (orange…orange posts) I was getting more and more confused. I told Tom again that I thought it was kinda….LARGE. To which he replied that it was just like his drawing…which means absolutely nothing to me because I had NO idea how large he’d drawn it . I vaguely recall him asking some questions and then waving something printed out on the drafting computer in front of me and I was probably distracted by something shiny and I don’t remember anything about the conversation.
I do that. I’ll agree to all sorts of things and then later I’m dumbfounded to learn that I agreed to any of it.
Anyway, I think I finally asked him WHY there were so many posts and what were those posts doing ALLLLLLL they way down by the edge of the yard near the pond.
Turns out, he had marked out several plots and was trying to find the FLATTEST spot on the SLOPE (see those two words? One of them doesn’t work with the word GARDEN).
So…about that SLOPE. Basically, the back of our property sort of slopes into this…um…wooded ravine that holds a creek that empties into the pond. I guess I hadn’t thought about this clearly…I also don’t go out there much because I saw a SNAKE hole once. How am I going to plant a garden on the side of a hill? I stood there amidst the posts (ORANGE!) and thought about finally dragging all those plants in the dissolvable pots and plastic trays down to the garden and how I’d carefully plant them and water them and the garden would be so fresh and new and then…we all know what would happen.
It would rain and the whole thing would wash into the ravine. Complete with my wood obelisk for my sweet peas and all my cute herb markers that I have yet to make.
Don’t they farm on the sides of hills in China? Granted those are rice paddies, but I should be able to work this out, right? I sure hope so, otherwise I’m going to be weeding tomatoes in a kayak and screaming about snakes the entire time.