Last night, Tom had to have a negotiating session with Oprah Wingfrey. Oprah thinks that she should get to cram herself onto the middle bar of the of the fence wall in the coop. When she does this, everyone thinks they should get to do the same thing and pretty soon they’re all hurling themselves at the wall trying to land on that bar that is way too narrow. Oprah wouldn’t listen to anything that Tom had to say so I told him to just leave her up there.

This is why we can’t have nice things.

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